An information resource for:
- Parental Alienation
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- Co-dependency
- Parental Alienation can happen to your child.
- It happens to good parents.
- It is gender neutral.
- No law gives parents the right to see their child if a relationship ends.
Parental Alienation
What Are the Diagnostic Signs That a Child Has Been Brainwashed by a NPD/BPD Parent?
Childress is confident that the appearance of the following 3 diagnostic indicators of AB-PA together indicate pathogenic parenting by a NPD/BPD parent and that these symptoms are not present when an alienated parent has engaged in abuse of the child:
1. Attachment System Suppression The child seeks to cut-off all contact with the normal range targeted parent. A healthy Attachment System motivates a child to promote a bond with a parent. The only time a child cuts off contact is as a result of narcissistic parenting. If investigation into any alleged abuse and a clinical assessment indicates that the targeted parent is not a dysfunctional parent then a NPD/BPD personality parent is behind alienation. If the targeted parent is within the normal parenting range of 20 to 80% there should be no breakdown of attachment system.
When this is the case Childress suggests courts and therapists need to move away from micro analysing the parenting skills of the normal range parents. Accepting that the parent has the authority to discipline their child to instil family values as they see fit.
2. Personality Disorder Symptoms Childress identified that there are a set of 5 NPD/BPD personality traits that rub off from the alienating parent onto the child where AB-PA has been established:
- Grandiosity - the child is elevated in the family hierarchy to a status above the targeted parent. The child then feels entitled to negatively judge the targeted parent.
- Empathy - the child will say and do cruel things to the targeted parent without any compassion for the targeted parent what so ever.
- Entitlement - if the targeted parent does not meet the child's every need to the level of satisfaction of the child, the child feels entitled to retaliate against the targeted parent.
- Haughty and arrogant attitude - towards the targeted parent. They show disdain for who that parent is as parent and as a person.
- Splitting - the child sees the targeted parent as all bad and the alienating parent as all good.
Childress also describes an "anxiety variant" where around the age of 4-6 years old the child is terrified of the targeted parent. This is usually the result of the alienator communicating to the child that the targeted parent is a threat to the child. This can be diagnosed using DSM5 criteria for a Phobic Anxiety.
3. Delusional Belief System The child believes they are a victim when no real abuse has occurred. Yes, no parent is perfect and a normal range parent may make mistakes in how they handle certain situations but that is normal. The difference comes when the child says that they have been abused physically, emotionally or psychologically by the targeted parent when there is no evidence and or when what the child characterises as abuse is not abuse e.g. removal of mobile phone privileges as a punishment for bad behaviour or asking them to do chores like emptying the bin. In having these false beliefs, the child justifies their rejection of the targeted parent. The targeted parent deserves to be rejected and punished. Childress indicates that this symptom may not always display.
Childress views the process of AB-PA by a NPD/BPD parent as a child protection issue which if not tackled properly will lead to psychological damage. This will likely result in the child not being able to have good relationships with future partners and most likely continue the cycle of abuse with their own future children.
Why Does a NPD/BPD Parent Alienate a Targeted Parent?
Firstly, the breakdown of the family unit and loss of the relationship triggers strong feelings of inadequacy and abandonment in the NPD/BPD parent. They cannot cope with this level of anxiety and view the targeted parent as a threat to their narcissistic equilibrium. The NPD/BPD has to find a way to restore that equilibrium and the person responsible for the disturbance, the source of their anxiety, must be destroyed.
Secondly, in this heightened psychotic state the NPD/BPD parent subconsciously references their earliest attachment model, between themselves and their own abusive parent(s), and fuses it with their current attachment model between their child and the targeted parent. This creates the delusion whereby the NPD/BPD parent actually believes that the targeted parent is an abuser. Their child becomes a symbol of their own childhood abuse and they believe they have to protect their child - whether that is based on reality or not.
Any person with empathy would feel some level of sadness for the NPD/BPD parent because having a mind that operates in this way is indicative of an abusive childhood. However, the damage that a parent with NPD/BPD then goes on to inflict on their own child through AB-PA limits the amount of sympathy you feel for them. Which is just as well because they will use that sympathy as a means to manipulate you.