Books on NPD

Why is it Always about You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

Author: Sandy Hotchkiss
Published: 2003
Publisher: Free Press ( New York )

This book uses easy to understand language to explain what narcissism is, how unhealthy narcissism develops and how to arm yourself against it.

What I liked best about this book was the way the author describes the early stages of child development where narcissism is a normal development phase from which a child in an empathetic environment can go on to form a healthy separate “Self”. Hotchkiss then goes on to explain the results of going through the same development where the parent is not empathetic and the forming of a separate “Self” does not take place leaving the child with the illusion of their grandiosity and omnipresence. In this case they see the parent and all other suitable objects as extensions of themselves.

She also looks at narcissism that can develop during teenage years, the effects of narcissism in old age and the way in which it has been accepted in the workplace.

The final thing of value I found in this book was a description of parental attitudes that create Narcissistic children. Most of the attitudes are based around the parents own needs and feelings rather than that of the child. At the root of these attitudes is the conditioning of the child to expect special treatment.

Despite one amusing story where a Narcissist wanted to show his superiority over his Therapist by peeing in her bushes this book spells out a very serious and important message… there is nothing you can do to change the Narcissist, the only one you can change is yourself to either accept your life with them or move on to a life without them.

Narcissism: Denial of the True Self

Author:Alexander Lowen, M.D.
Published: 1997
Publisher: Touchstone (New York)

Lowen uses real patient cases to demonstrate what narcissism feels like for sufferers. He focuses on the denial of feelings which makes Narcissists appear “inhuman”, their over investment in their image and cravings for power and control.

He defines a spectrum of narcissistic types (ordered in terms of narcissistic disturbance) with the Phallic-Narcissistic character (those who live to seduce others) being least disordered and the Paranoid Personality (who believe they are all powerful and others conspire against them) being most disordered. He also gives an outline of each of these types. Borderline personalities sit in the middle of the scale.

Lowen explains the types of upbringings that result in the development of the adult narcissism, why they need to seduce and manipulate others and why they see themselves as special.

Essential Papers on Narcissism (Essential Papers in Psychoanalysis)

Author: Andrew P. Morrison
Published: 1986
Publisher: New York University Press ( New York )

Technical… that’s the best way I can describe this book. As such I frequently stopped to look up technical references online or words I’d never heard before in the dictionary.

The book covers work done by Sigmund Freud, Annie Reich, Heinz Kohut, Otto F. Kernberg and many many others. It explains that work on narcissism and NPD has been a slow process and that all is not completely understood with the condition. It looks at different theories of how harmful narcissism which leads to a person objectifying others and seeing themselves as special is created i.e. is it during the early years of life as normal development is thwarted by poor parenting? Or can it be the result of having good looks, success and special treatment in later years?

The stages of child development where the creation of unhealthy narcissism is described was hard for me to fully comprehend and I was only able to understand what was being discussed in this book when I read “Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism” by Hotchkiss.

It provides a diagnostic framework to identify someone with NPD and some examples that highlight how damaging, deceptive and needy sufferers can be. How they make the choice in determining which object to “love” and explains that Narcissists are sensitive to failure and require reassurance and attention from others to keep up their view of themselves as special.

The book also covers the type of treatment that works best for those with NPD. It confirms that the outlook isn’t good for those who are high up on the narcissistic scale. Those lower down on the scale may benefit from Psychotherapy but it is clear that they will never be “normal”. That at best they can learn how they came to be a Narcissist, the effect their condition has on others and gain a little empathy.

This book shows that anyone who thinks they can do a bit of research and use their learning to help or change the Narcissist(s) in their life is in for a rude awakening. The book clearly show’s the difficulties professionals face in treating those with NPD. I as mere reader, someone with my own issues and with a personal attachment have no chance to help the suspect Narcissists I know and would end up placing them or myself in danger if I tried.

—————————————

The following books also discuss Narcissism and NPD:

Why is it Always about You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

Narcissism: Denial of the True Self

Essential Papers on Narcissism (Essential Papers in Psychoanalysis)

Narcisstic Personality Disorder

The Narcissistic and Borderline Disorders: Integrated Developmental Approach

Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry

The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern

Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life

Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move on

Children of the Self-absorbed: A Grown-up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-absorbed

Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Trapped in the Mirror

Identifying and Understanding the Narcissistic Personality

Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited

All About Me: Loving a Narcissist